


God Of The Hunted?

by Taz



Category: Xena: Warrior Princess
Genre: Comedy, Gen, Mythology - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2009-11-15
Updated: 2009-11-15
Packaged: 2017-10-02 21:19:53
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 350
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10828
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Taz/pseuds/Taz
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>While spending some enforced time down on the farm as a mortal, Ares meets his ultimate enemy.</p>
            </blockquote>





	God Of The Hunted?

“Put that dirty thing in my mouth? _No way!_” 

To a Being used to living on smoke and incense, the mortal concept of ‘food’ was a little hard to grasp but, eventually, he got it and even learned to grow his own.

It turned out that he had a knack for farming and the garden outside the cabin door bloomed—until that fateful morning he went to pick a salad and discovered the neat rows of parsley, lettuce and carrots had been decimated! Something that had rampaged through in the night, tasting every plant, had eaten only the sweetest and juiciest!

With his keen hunter’s eye, he examined the spoor left behind. There was no doubt about it. Rabbits! “This means War!” he vowed, glad to be back in his natural element, strategizing and executing a campaign worthy of Guderian (Anachronism!).

But, no matter what tactics he employed, each morning revealed more gnawed vegetables until he began to detect some malign, malefic intelligence behind the assaults. No common member of the Family Rodentia (Anachronism!) could have outwitted the cunning traps he designed, or evaded the fences he built with bits of metal that banged together to make a noise that was supposed to scare them, or withstood the stinky herbs he planted between the garden rows. Oh, plenty of lesser enemy combatants were captured or killed and he took what satisfaction he could in well flavored stews and lining his mittens and jock with their hides. But, somewhere, out there, he reflected, was an enemy worthy, almost, of him.

Rejecting poison as a coward’s weapon (Besides, he really did have this primitive, god thing, about eating your enemy), his genius devised a Super Secret Weapon -- a reverse compound bow made of laminated strips of deer horn. (Okay! Okay! The Parthians ‘had’ been using them for years.)

Tracking the enemy to his lair beneath a sticker bush, one chill morning found him posted over the hole. He was alert. The bow was drawn. The arrow was nocked—

And a voice behind him said, “Eh, what’s up, Dog?”

 

 

 

_Overdone _

09/25/06

**Author's Note:**

> Yes, I really, really did go all the way around the zepplin shed to make that excruciating pun.


End file.
